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How To Enjoy The Offline Reality In Christ

Epilog one: Depersonalization

Once I was all by myself in a closed world in me. No one could touch me although those who are out of myself talk, touch, hug and kiss me. I was in the myself place worlds away from "others" divided by a wall. A thick glass wall which I can never break up by myself and go out of "my place".

Since I was three, as I became aware of "I", I was in "my place". "My place" was just as natural as everything untill I became aware of "I" and things or people not "I".

When my mother was pregnent, having my brother, I became aware of "I" am not the only one for my parents. In short, mam had miscarriage, and my brother died.

By this incident, I've first felt the bite-the-dust lonliness staying in "my place". I was all alone and all by myself in "my place". No one could touch me heartfully no matter how warm their souls were.

I remember a budhist old lady in our neighborhood have visited me several times to console me. I was really impressed and amazed with her eyes and a aura she've warn. She seemed to understand the extraordinally warm and kindness that I've never seen in other adults in my three years life.

But, even her warmth could not touch inside of "my place". She was kind of shocked to touch the thick glass wall in me, and left from me quietly. As far as I know, she was the first person who've felt a shock to touch the coldness of the thick glass wall things which make me apart from others world.

After many years, I've reached out to an understanding that everybody have a wall which aparts "you" and "other arround you" also. And "you" also is in "your place" isolated until "you" learn to corp with "you", "your place" and "others place".

At that time, I've no idea what "my place" differs to others. "I" was innocent.

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Author:Catherine S.
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